So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize