I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
