Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
