After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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