Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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