just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
