Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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