Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
