I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
