Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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