i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
