i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
