All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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