So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
