He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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