I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
