Are we in a gay sports bar?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
