Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
