whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
