Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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