I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
