I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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