walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
