I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The air was thick with penises
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
