Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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