I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
