remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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