Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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