Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
