well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
