It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
