Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
