um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
