I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
