so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
