Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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