You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
