It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
