There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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