So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
