I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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