he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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