I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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