i used baking grease as lip gloss
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
