Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
