dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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