dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
