is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
