Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
