What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize