I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You smell like stripper and shame
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
