sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize