Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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