my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
