I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
