HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize