my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
