That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
