Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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