You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
