Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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