ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This baby is an asshole
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
