I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
