There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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