Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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