Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
