There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
