idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
