i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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