im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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