Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
