You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
