Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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