ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
