I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
