haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize