Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize