I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
