You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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